


Vidui

by batyatoon



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Gen, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Jewish Holidays, Liturgical Angst, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Short, Yom Kippur | Atonement Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7489563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batyatoon/pseuds/batyatoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted <a href="http://animatedamerican.tumblr.com/post/119950906552/actuallyclintbarton-twunkbucky-ooh-ouch-i">here</a>, in response to a post about Jewish Bucky on his first Yom Kippur after the events in <i>Captain America: The Winter Soldier</i>. </p><p>For more detail on the <i>vidui</i>, you may wish to look <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confession_(Judaism)#In_prayer">here</a>.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Vidui

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://animatedamerican.tumblr.com/post/119950906552/actuallyclintbarton-twunkbucky-ooh-ouch-i), in response to a post about Jewish Bucky on his first Yom Kippur after the events in _Captain America: The Winter Soldier_. 
> 
> For more detail on the _vidui_ , you may wish to look [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confession_\(Judaism\)#In_prayer).

The first line of the _[al chet](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.chabad.org%2Fholidays%2FJewishNewYear%2Ftemplate_cdo%2Faid%2F6577%2Fjewish%2FText-of-Al-Chet.htm&t=MzM1ZWEyMDY1Y2U0NjRjY2FhM2FkZmE0OGI0NWQxMGE2NDdiODI4ZCxPTVZjMUVtZw%3D%3D)_  says: _for the sin that we have committed before You under duress or willingly_.

He remembers holding the heavy prayer book, trying to read fast enough to follow along with the cantor; he remembers the low hum of several dozen voices reciting not-quite-silently, the shoulders of grown men crowded around him, ghostly white in their [kittels](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FKittel&t=MzQyNmU1OWU1NGEzOGMzYjJlODhmYzEwNDlhM2MyZjRlM2UzOTY4YSxPTVZjMUVtZw%3D%3D).  When the white turns to lab coats and the murmured prayers to a tech reading out a litany of vital signs, his mind shudders away from that memory, shuts it down.  He’s gotten good at that.

 _Under duress or willingly_ , it says.

You beat your breast during that part, he remembers.  Right above the heart, with a closed fist.  A few bare centimeters from the seam; he’d have to be careful not to strike too hard.  Or maybe not.  He can’t remember whether or not it’s supposed to hurt.

The first one isn’t the only one that catches his eye – _openly or secretly_ , it says in later lines, and  _with knowledge and with deceit_ , and _through entrapping a friend_ , and _through confusion of the heart_  – but it’s the one he keeps coming back to.   _Under duress or willingly_.

It still counts as a sin if it isn’t willingly, then.  The book says so.  It still counts.  And that feels right to him, somehow.

He doesn’t think much about why  _for all of them,_ _God of Forgiveness, forgive us_  is so much harder to believe.


End file.
